i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
