i can't believe i had my finger in that
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
