C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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