u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
