I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
