Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
