In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
