you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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