I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
