I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
