You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
