you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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