I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
