Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
