My room smells like vodka and shame
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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