White coat. Heels.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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