Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
