I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
