She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
