He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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