I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
