I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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