I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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