she told me i tasted like america
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
