i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
