If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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