Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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