Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
