I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
someone owes me an orgasm
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
