I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
