Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
