His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
