when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
