Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
