official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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