omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
