never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
