Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
