A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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