Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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