Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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