i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
