im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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