Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
