It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
