after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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