I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
