I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
