I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Buhtt sex?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
