I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
