I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
