She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
