I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
