I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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