Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
