If i come over, it means nothing
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
